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How not to evade your loved ones.

I’ve been with him for just over a year. I’m a runner by nature. As in,
when things start to get serious, when they start to feel permanent, I
leave the man I am with. This is one is pretty much perfect. Kind,
considerate, handsome, affectionate, generous, head over heels in love
with me. So in love with me, that it scares me. How can he get so
invested? He says he wants to build his life around me. The thought scares
me. I am down to earth, practical, a career first kind of girl. I wanted
to build my life around a place, a job, a career. Once all that was
settled, I figured I would meet someone and fall in love and maybe even
settle down. But love happened first. And now I am unsure whether to keep
it. Unsure because the longer I am with him, the more in love with me he
is, and all the while I am not sure if I will stay here. Maybe I’ll
travel, maybe I’ll go to grad school, maybe I’ll take a job across the
continent or even the world. I am unsure if he fits into those plans or
not. And because I’m afraid, because he is blameless, I have started
picking little fights, being stand-offish, secretly hoping to send him
over the edge and force him to break up with me, because I’m too cowardly
to be the bad guy. But I can’t push him away like the others, he sees
through it, and holds tight. It fills me with happiness and breaks my
heart all at the same time.

So to the people that are like me, and run away when they get scared of
the intensity of their feelings or the feelings of the one they’re with,
what do I do? Did you regret running away? Or was it better for you in the
long run, and less hurtful to the person you left?

To the people that got left behind, do you wish he or she had stayed? Or
was leaving you the best thing they ever did for you in the end?

I just want to put it out there that it’s not that I feel I don’t deserve
to be loved. I’m just not sure if this is the time or place to be in so
deep. I am afraid how madly and selflessly he loves me. It’s like I’m his
air or something. It’s frightening, but thrilling. But can you love too much?

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Please Forgive Me

figure-begging-forgiveness-19077533You say you cannot forget
And you aren’t ready to forgive
But I need your friendship
More than you’ll even know
I need you there to live

Without you by my side today
Life’s been going, oh so slow
I miss your calls
Our endless talks
The places we would go

You can’t even bear to look at me,
And I know my mistake
For because of one night,
And a few thoughtless actions,
When you saw me you ran and hid

I know we cannot take it back
As much as we would like to
But we could forget
And start all over
Just friends, that’s me and you

If time is what you need,
Then I guess that’s what you’ll get
But I need you there for me soon,
My friend,
I hope you will forget

can you see it in my eyes

canyouseeitinmyeyes.realovetoday.comYou don’t know how I’m feeling.
I have yet to vocalize
Desire deep inside me.
Can you see it in my eyes?

I tremble when I’m near you
Heat travels up my thighs
and I want you with an urgency
That I just can’t describe.

Dare I reach out to touch you?
Do you think you’d realize
How much I want and need you?
Can you see it in my eyes?

I long to say, “I love you,”
But am scared of your reply.
Terrified like a child
I’ve become paralyzed.

The camouflaged emotions
Lead to pain and silent cries.
And yet I just can’t tell you.
Don’t you see it in my eyes?

Confessing through this poem
My dilemma summarized.
The feeling’s quite cathartic,
But will lead to my demise.

When Friendship Grows to Something Else

friendship

Sometimes I feel sad and sometimes I feel blue

but whenever I see you, I’m as happy as can be
for you bring a smile upon my face
and a feeling of joy within my heart
you’re like my sunshine in the morning
and my stars that glow at night
you’re like the waves in the ocean
the cool breeze in the wind
like the call of the birds in the morning dew
like the sounds of beauty in the night
you see all of these things are of beauty and love
that’s how I feel whenever you are near
for it was the passion and desire from both of us
that opened up the world for our eyes to see
for our love of each other will grow and grow
and our needs and desires will be more everyday
for a friend you once were and will always be
has turned into love as it should have been
so I want you to know as a friend and lover
that in my heart and arms you’ll always stay
for our love for each other will never fade.

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